Unrealistic Idealisation of Families
Many of us grow up with a picture-perfect image of what families should look like – happy parents, well-behaved children, a nice house and everyone getting along. But sociologists argue that this ideal image of family life is often far from reality and can actually be harmful. This topic explores how and why families are idealised and the problems this causes.
Key Definitions:
- Idealisation: Treating something as perfect or better than it really is.
- Nuclear family: A family unit consisting of two parents and their children.
- 'Cereal packet' family: A term used to describe the stereotypical perfect nuclear family often shown in advertisements.
- Family ideology: A set of beliefs and expectations about what families should be like.
💡 The 'Perfect' Family Myth
The idealised family is typically portrayed as a nuclear family with a working father, a mother who manages the home (even if she also works) and happy, obedient children. This image is sometimes called the 'cereal packet family' because it was commonly shown on breakfast cereal boxes and other advertisements. This ideal suggests that families should be:
- Harmonious and conflict-free
- Financially stable
- Emotionally supportive
- Based on clear gender roles
- The primary source of happiness and fulfilment
📝 Where Does This Ideal Come From?
The idealised family image comes from several sources:
- Media: TV shows, films and advertisements often show perfect families
- Politics: Politicians frequently talk about 'family values'
- Religion: Many religious teachings emphasise certain family structures
- History: The 1950s post-war period particularly promoted the nuclear family ideal
- Capitalism: The family unit is a valuable consumer group for businesses to target
Feminist Critiques of Family Idealisation
Feminist sociologists have been particularly critical of how families are idealised, arguing that the 'perfect family' image masks gender inequality and can trap women in unfulfilling or even abusive situations.
Key Feminist Arguments
👩 Betty Friedan
In her book 'The Feminine Mystique' (1963), Friedan identified "the problem with no name" – the unhappiness of many middle-class American housewives who felt trapped by the idealised family role they were expected to fulfil. She argued that the perfect family image created a "comfortable concentration camp" for women.
💼 Ann Oakley
Oakley's research in the 1970s showed that the role of the housewife, central to the idealised family, was neither natural nor satisfying for many women. She found that housework was monotonous, isolating and low-status, despite being portrayed as fulfilling in family ideals.
📄 Radical Feminists
Radical feminists like Delphy and Leonard argue that the idealised family conceals the exploitation of women's unpaid labour and serves male interests. They suggest that the 'happy family' image helps maintain patriarchal power by making women's subordination seem natural and desirable.
Marxist Critiques of Family Idealisation
Marxist sociologists focus on how the idealised family serves the interests of capitalism and helps maintain social inequality.
💰 Families as Consumers
Marxists argue that the idealised family image is promoted by businesses and advertisers to encourage consumption. The 'perfect family' always seems to need new products – the latest technology, bigger houses, newer cars and more toys. This drives profits for capitalist businesses.
Eli Zaretsky suggests that the family has become a "haven in a heartless world" – a private space of consumption and emotional fulfilment that distracts people from questioning wider social inequalities.
📈 Maintaining Class Structure
The idealised family helps reproduce the class structure by:
- Encouraging workers to work hard to provide for their families
- Making workers blame themselves rather than the system if they can't achieve the ideal
- Focusing people's attention on private family concerns rather than collective political action
- Promoting the idea that success or failure is about individual families, not social structures
The Reality Gap: Ideal vs. Actual Families
One of the main criticisms of family idealisation is that it creates a huge gap between expectations and reality. This gap can cause stress, disappointment and feelings of failure.
Case Study Focus: Family Diversity in the UK
The 2021 Census data shows that the traditional nuclear family is now a minority family form in the UK:
- Only about 35% of families with dependent children are married couple families where both parents are the biological parents
- Around 23% of families with dependent children are lone-parent families
- Step-families make up approximately 10% of all families with dependent children
- Same-sex couple families have increased by over 50% since 2015
- Multi-generational households are growing, particularly in some ethnic minority communities
Despite this diversity, the nuclear family remains the dominant image in media, advertising and political discourse.
Harmful Effects of Family Idealisation
Sociologists argue that unrealistic family ideals can have several negative consequences:
💔 Psychological Impact
When people can't live up to the perfect family ideal, they often feel like failures. This can lead to:
- Guilt and shame
- Depression and anxiety
- Relationship strain
- Staying in unhealthy relationships to maintain the 'perfect family' appearance
👦👧 Impact on Children
Children who don't live in 'ideal' families may:
- Feel different or abnormal
- Experience stigma or bullying
- Develop unrealistic expectations of family life
- Feel pressure to hide family problems
👪 Social Policy Issues
When policies are based on idealised family models, they often fail to address the needs of:
- Single-parent families
- Same-sex parents
- Extended families
- Families facing poverty or other challenges
Media Reinforcement of Family Ideals
The media plays a crucial role in promoting unrealistic family images. Even when showing 'ordinary' families, TV shows and advertisements often present a sanitised version of family life.
How Media Creates Unrealistic Family Images
- Advertising: Shows happy families enjoying products together, with spotless homes and perfectly behaved children
- Family sitcoms: Even when showing family problems, these are usually resolved neatly by the end of each episode
- Social media: People share idealised versions of their family life, creating pressure for others to do the same
- Holiday advertising: Particularly promotes perfect family togetherness (think Christmas adverts)
- Parenting magazines: Often present unrealistic standards for parents to meet
Case Study: The Oxo Family Adverts
The Oxo family adverts ran on UK television from 1983 to 1999 and became a cultural symbol of the idealised family. The adverts showed a nuclear family with a mother (played by Lynda Bellingham) who brought the family together through cooking with Oxo cubes.
The family was portrayed as white, middle-class and harmonious, with the mother taking primary responsibility for family meals and care. While popular, these adverts reinforced traditional gender roles and presented a narrow view of family life that many real families couldn't match.
When the adverts were revived in 2016, they featured a more modern family with the father sometimes cooking and teenagers using mobile phones at the table – showing how family ideals slowly evolve while still maintaining certain core elements.
Conclusion: A More Realistic Approach
Sociologists don't suggest that families are unimportant or that we shouldn't value family life. Rather, they argue for:
- Recognising and respecting diverse family forms
- Acknowledging that all families face challenges and conflicts
- Creating policies that support families as they actually are, not as they're idealised to be
- Being critical of media representations that promote unrealistic family images
- Understanding that family structures change over time and across cultures
By taking a more realistic view of families, we can reduce the pressure and disappointment that comes from trying to live up to impossible ideals and better support the diverse ways that people create meaningful family relationships.