How do we learn our identity? » Primary and secondary socialisation - family as an agency of socialisation

What you'll learn this session

Study time: 30 minutes

The concept of identity and how it is formed
The difference between primary and secondary socialisation
How the family functions as a key agency of socialisation
The role of parents, siblings and extended family in identity formation
Cultural variations in family socialisation
How family socialisation impacts gender identity development

Understanding Identity Formation

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Why you have certain beliefs, habits, or preferences? Much of who we are comes from a process called socialisation – how we learn to become members of society. This learning journey shapes our identity – our sense of who we are and where we fit in the social world.

Key Definitions:

Identity: Our sense of self; who we think we are and how we fit into society.
Socialisation: The lifelong process through which we learn the norms, values, behaviours and social skills of our society.
Agencies of socialisation: Groups or social contexts that teach us how to behave in society (family, education, peers, media, religion, workplace).

🏠 Primary Socialisation

This is the first stage of socialisation that occurs within the family during early childhood. It's when we learn basic norms, values and behaviours that form the foundation of our identity. Primary socialisation is considered the most important form of socialisation as it shapes our core identity.

🏫 Secondary Socialisation

This happens later in childhood and continues throughout life. It occurs outside the family – in schools, peer groups, workplaces and through media. Secondary socialisation builds on primary socialisation and helps us learn how to behave in different social contexts.

The Family as an Agency of Socialisation

The family is often called the most powerful agency of socialisation. It's where we first learn about ourselves and the world around us. Let's explore how families shape our identities:

How Families Shape Our Identity

Families influence our identity development in several key ways:

💬 Language

Families teach us our first words and how to communicate. The language we learn at home shapes how we think about and understand the world.

🙏 Values & Beliefs

Families pass down their moral codes, religious beliefs, political views and cultural traditions that become part of our identity.

🎓 Aspirations

Our family's expectations about education, careers and life goals often influence our own ambitions and how we see our future.

Family Socialisation Methods

Families use different techniques to socialise children and shape their identities:

Role modelling: Children observe and imitate their parents' behaviours, attitudes and mannerisms.
Direct teaching: Parents explicitly instruct children about rules, manners and appropriate behaviour.
Rewards and punishments: Families reinforce desired behaviours with praise or treats and discourage unwanted behaviours with consequences.
Routines and rituals: Family traditions, celebrations and daily routines create a sense of belonging and cultural identity.

Case Study Focus: The Baumrind Parenting Styles

Psychologist Diana Baumrind identified different parenting styles that influence identity development:

Authoritarian: Strict rules with little explanation; children often develop compliant identities but may lack independence.
Authoritative: Clear boundaries with explanations and warmth; children typically develop confident, socially competent identities.
Permissive: Few rules or expectations; children may develop creative identities but struggle with self-discipline.
Uninvolved: Little guidance or attention; children often develop identities with poor self-regulation and social skills.

Research suggests the authoritative style generally produces the most well-adjusted children, showing how parenting approaches directly impact identity formation.

Gender Identity and Family Socialisation

One of the most significant aspects of identity that families shape is gender identity – our sense of being male, female, or somewhere along the gender spectrum.

🌈 Gender Socialisation

From birth, many families treat children differently based on their biological sex. Think about it – blue for boys, pink for girls; trucks versus dolls; "be brave" versus "be pretty." These subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) messages teach children what society expects from them based on their gender.

💡 Changing Patterns

Modern families are increasingly challenging traditional gender socialisation. Many parents now encourage children to explore interests regardless of gender stereotypes. This shift reflects changing societal attitudes about gender roles and may lead to more flexible gender identities in future generations.

Cultural Variations in Family Socialisation

How families socialise children varies significantly across cultures, leading to different identity outcomes:

Individualist cultures (like the UK and US) often socialise children to value independence, personal achievement and self-expression.
Collectivist cultures (like many Asian and African societies) typically socialise children to prioritise group harmony, family loyalty and respect for elders.
Family structure affects socialisation too – extended families, single-parent families and nuclear families each create different socialisation environments.

Real-World Example: Cross-Cultural Identity

Imagine two children – Aisha and Emma. Aisha grows up in a traditional Pakistani family in Birmingham where family decisions are made collectively, extended family members live nearby and cultural traditions are emphasised. Emma lives with her single mother in London, where she's encouraged to make her own choices and express her individuality.

These different family socialisation experiences will likely lead to distinct identities. Aisha might develop a stronger sense of family obligation and cultural identity, while Emma might develop greater independence and personal autonomy. Neither is better – they're simply different outcomes of family socialisation processes.

The Impact of Family Changes on Identity

Families in the UK have changed dramatically over recent decades, affecting how identity formation occurs:

Diverse family forms: With the rise of blended families, same-sex parents and single-parent households, children experience more varied socialisation environments.
Working parents: As more parents work full-time, childcare providers and extended family members play larger roles in primary socialisation.
Digital families: Technology has changed family interaction, with social media and devices now part of how families communicate and bond.

Conclusion: The Lasting Impact of Family Socialisation

While secondary socialisation through school, peers and media becomes increasingly important as we grow, the primary socialisation we receive from our families forms the foundation of our identity. The values, beliefs and behaviours we learn at home often stay with us throughout life, even as we develop and change.

However, it's important to remember that identity formation is a complex process. While family is crucial, we are not simply products of our upbringing. As we encounter new experiences and ideas through secondary socialisation, we actively shape and reshape our identities throughout our lives.

Think about your own identity – which aspects do you think came from your family? Which parts developed through other influences? Understanding how we learn our identity helps us better understand both ourselves and the society we live in.

🧠 Test Your Knowledge!