👪 The family
Parents, grandparents and other relatives listen to both partners. They may talk about the problem, remind the couple of their promise and try to bring them back together.
Sikh Beliefs about Life and Death » Divorce and Remarriage: Sikh Views
What you'll learn this session
Study time: 30 minutes
Edexcel spec: Paper 1, 2.6 (Sikhism)
- Why Sikhs see marriage as lifelong, so divorce is discouraged
- How the family and the sangat try to help a couple first, and when civil divorce is accepted
- Sikh teaching on remarriage, including for widows and widowers
- How attitudes differ between Sikhs, and the effects of marriage breakdown
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Unlock This CourseMarriage is meant to be for life
In Divorce, Remarriage and Marriage Breakdown you met the general ideas, the law and the non-religious views. This lesson asks what Sikhs believe. In Marriage and the Householder (Gristhi) in Sikhism you saw that Sikhs treat marriage as a spiritual union of two equals who promise to stay together. That is why Sikhs discourage divorce. A couple makes their promise in front of the Guru Granth Sahib, and breaking it is a serious step.
There is also no religious divorce ceremony in Sikhism. The gurdwara does not end a marriage. Sikhs see the marriage as something to be repaired, not cancelled.
Key terms:
- Sangat (recap from Maya, Manmukh and Haumai): the Sikh community, especially those who gather together to worship and support each other.
- Civil divorce: the ending of a marriage by a court under the law of the country, not by a religious ceremony.
Trying to help first: the family and the sangat
When a marriage is in trouble, Sikhs are encouraged to work at it before thinking of divorce. Two groups usually step in.
🙌 The sangat
Respected members of the community, and sometimes gurdwara leaders, may give advice and support. Prayer and talking things through in a calm, caring setting can help the couple make peace.
Outside help such as counselling and mediation (see Divorce, Remarriage and Marriage Breakdown) can sit alongside this. This fits the Sikh idea of the gristhi life. A Sikh couple are not meant to cope alone. The community shares in their joys and their troubles.
When divorce is accepted
Most Sikhs hope for a lifelong marriage, but they are realistic. If all the efforts to repair the marriage have failed, civil divorce is accepted. Sikhs say that nobody should be forced to stay in a marriage that has truly failed. Examples of failed marriages include:
- Cruelty: a partner who is violent or abusive. Staying in danger goes against the Sikh duty to protect people from harm.
- Desertion: a partner who has left the marriage for good, so there is no longer a shared life.
Because the gurdwara has no divorce ceremony, a divorcing Sikh couple uses the courts of their country. Most Sikhs see divorce as sad, and a last resort, rather than as a sin to be punished.
Remarriage
Sikhs do not forbid remarriage. A Sikh who has divorced can marry again, and the new marriage can take place in the gurdwara. It is the same wedding ceremony, with the same promises made in front of the Guru Granth Sahib.
The Sikh code of conduct (the Rehat Maryada) also allows widows and widowers to remarry. A person who has lost a husband or wife is not expected to stay alone for the rest of their life. Many Sikhs agree that a second marriage can bring companionship and a new family life.
Different attitudes among Sikhs
Sikh attitudes are not all the same, and they have been changing.
- More traditional views: in some families and communities, particularly more traditional ones, divorce is rare and people may look down on a divorced person. A couple can feel strong pressure from relatives to stay together.
- More accepting views: in countries such as Britain, Canada and the USA, divorce is common in the wider society. Many Sikhs there are more accepting, and say that a happy, safe home matters more than staying married at any cost.
Most Sikhs agree that marriage is special and that divorce should come only after real effort to mend things.
Effects of marriage breakdown
😢 Individuals
Partners and children may feel hurt, anger or loneliness. A Sikh may also feel shame or fear of what others will say.
🏛 The Sikh community
The sangat may be divided, with friends and relatives taking sides. The community may also need to support a lone parent or an isolated person.
🏢 Society
Marriage breakdown can mean more single-parent families, money problems and extra demand on public services.
Common mistakes
- Saying Sikhs ban divorce. They discourage it, but civil divorce is accepted when a marriage has truly failed.
- Saying the gurdwara can grant a divorce. There is no religious divorce ceremony.
- Saying Sikhs cannot remarry. Remarriage is allowed, in the gurdwara too, and widows and widowers may remarry.
- Giving only one Sikh view. Say that attitudes differ between families and countries.
Exam-style question
Paper 1 (a) [3 marks, AO1]: Identify three groups or people who may help a couple whose marriage is in trouble.
Model answer
1. Family members, such as parents (1). 2. The sangat (1). 3. Gurdwara leaders or counsellors (1).
Paper 1 (b) [4 marks, AO1]: Choose one religion. Outline two Sikh teachings about divorce.
Model answer
Sikhs teach that marriage is meant to be for life (1), so divorce is discouraged and the gurdwara has no divorce ceremony (1). Sikhs also accept civil divorce when a marriage has truly failed (1), for example if one partner is cruel or has deserted the other (1).
Paper 1 (c) [6 marks, AO1 and AO2]: Choose one religion. Explain why there are different attitudes to divorce and remarriage in this religion.
Model answer
Sikhs have different attitudes because they all value marriage but weigh other things differently. Sikhs believe that marriage is a lifelong promise made before the Guru Granth Sahib, so many are against divorce and want the family and the sangat to help the couple first. In some communities, divorce is rare and a divorced person may feel shamed, so people there hold a traditional view. However, Sikhs also say that nobody should stay in a marriage that has truly failed, for example through cruelty or desertion, so civil divorce is accepted. Sikhs who live in countries such as Britain, where divorce is common, are often more accepting. On remarriage, the Rehat Maryada allows widows and widowers to marry again, and a remarriage can take place in the gurdwara, which shows that most Sikhs do not want people to be left alone. These different views come from the same teachings applied in different situations.
Paper 1 (d) [12 marks, AO1 and AO2]: "A marriage should never end in divorce." Evaluate this statement, showing you have considered different points of view. In your answer you should refer to at least one religion.
Plan for (d)
For: Sikhs see marriage as a lifelong spiritual promise before the Guru Granth Sahib; there is no religious divorce ceremony; the family and the sangat can often help a couple to mend their marriage; divorce hurts children and the community.
Against: Sikhs accept civil divorce when a marriage has truly failed, for example through cruelty or desertion; staying in a harmful marriage can cause more suffering; non-religious people often say it is better to part than to live unhappily; remarriage is allowed and can bring a new family life.
Possible conclusion: most Sikhs would say divorce should be avoided wherever possible, but "never" is too strong, because a marriage with cruelty cannot be a spiritual union. Judge each argument and make clear which matters most.
Exam tip
In a question on Sikh views of divorce, always include both sides: marriage is for life and divorce is discouraged, but civil divorce is accepted for a failed marriage. Name the sangat or the Rehat Maryada to lift an answer to the top level.