Buddhist Beliefs about Life and Death » Divorce and Remarriage: Buddhist Views

No law against divorce

The lesson Divorce, Remarriage and Marriage Breakdown explained what divorce, annulment and remarriage are, the law, and the non-religious views. Here we look at what Buddhists teach.

In Marriage and the Householder in Buddhism you saw that Buddhists treat marriage as a social and civil matter, not a sacrament. A sacrament is a sacred act in which believers say God is present. Because marriage is not one, there is no religious law that forbids divorce, and none that forbids remarriage. Marriage is a social and civil agreement, so ending it does not break a religious vow.

That does not mean Buddhists think divorce is a good thing. Most see it as regrettable, because it usually involves pain and disappointment. But it is allowed. The question Buddhists ask is not "is it forbidden?" but "what will cause the least suffering?"

Key terms:

• Right speech: one part of the Noble Eightfold Path. It means speaking honestly and kindly, and avoiding lies, harsh words and gossip.

Avoiding causes of suffering to others

A key Buddhist test for an action is whether it causes suffering to others. You met this in Buddhist Teaching on Relationships and Sexuality. Applied to divorce, the test works in two directions.

So there is no automatic answer. Each situation is judged by its likely effect on everyone involved, especially the partners and any children. Buddhists try to act with karuna (compassion), which you met in Euthanasia and Relieving Suffering: Buddhist Views, towards both partners.

Working at the marriage first

Buddhist teaching encourages a couple to try to repair a struggling marriage before ending it. The Buddhist path gives them tools:

• Right speech. Talking honestly and gently, without shouting, blaming or lying, can solve many problems before they grow.
• Patience. Feelings change, and a hard time may pass if both partners give it time.
• Compassion. Trying to understand why a partner is hurt or angry makes it easier to forgive.

Some Buddhists also use counselling and mediation, which you met in the shared lesson, alongside their own practice. If these efforts fail, and staying would cause more suffering than leaving, divorce is accepted.

Impermanence and relationships

You studied anicca (impermanence) in Anicca, Anatta and the Five Khandhas. Buddhists teach that everything changes, including feelings, people and relationships. Applied to marriage, this has two lessons. First, a loving relationship is not guaranteed to last for ever, so couples should value and care for it while it exists. Second, when a marriage does end, clinging to the past or to blame only adds to the pain, and accepting change calmly helps people move on.

Remarriage

Since there is no law against remarriage, Buddhists see it as a personal choice. The same test applies: will it cause suffering to anyone? A person who remarries should act honestly and kindly towards a new partner, a former partner and any children. Buddhists would also expect the first marriage to have ended fairly, with no betrayal or cruelty.

Different views in different places

Buddhism has no single authority, and Buddhists live in many countries. Attitudes to divorce therefore vary. In some cultures divorce brings strong social pressure and family disapproval, and Buddhists there may feel more reluctant. In others divorce is more common and accepted. Some more traditional teachers stress staying together and patience; others stress the suffering of an unhappy marriage. These differences come from culture and personal judgement, not from a Buddhist rule.

Effects of marriage breakdown

Recap

• Marriage is not a sacrament, so Buddhism has no law against divorce or remarriage.
• Divorce is regretted but allowed.
• The test is avoiding suffering to partners and children; both staying and leaving can cause it.
• Right speech, patience and compassion are tried first.
• Impermanence reminds couples to value a relationship and to accept change.
• Views vary between cultures, and breakdown affects individuals, the community and society.

Exam-style question

(a) Identify three effects of marriage breakdown on individuals. [3 marks]

(b) Choose one religion. Outline two teachings about divorce in this religion. [4 marks]

(c) Choose one religion. Explain why there are different attitudes to remarriage or divorce in this religion. [6 marks]

(d) 'A couple should always try to save their marriage.' Evaluate this statement, showing you have considered different points of view. In your answer you should refer to at least one religion. [12 marks]