👪 Parents' duties to their children
Parents should stop their children doing wrong and encourage them to do good. They should give them an education or a skill for work, help them find a suitable partner, and in time hand over their inheritance.
Buddhist Beliefs about Life and Death » Family Life and the Vihara in Buddhism
What you'll learn this session
Study time: 30 minutes
Edexcel spec: Paper 1, 2.7 (Buddhism)
- Why family life matters to Buddhists, and the duties between parents and children
- How compassion and non-harm shape Buddhist views of children and changing families
- How the vihara helps families stay together and bring up children
- The choice between family life and monastic life
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Unlock This CourseFamily life in Buddhism
The lesson Family Life: Types of Family, Roles and Responsibilities explained the types of family, the rights of children in law and the non-religious views. Here we look at what Buddhists teach.
Most Buddhists in the world are lay people, not monks or nuns, and most live in families. Buddhists see the family as the place where people first learn kindness, patience and care for others. In Marriage and the Householder in Buddhism you met the householder, a lay person who supports a family. A good family life is a way of practising Buddhist values every day: not harming others, giving, and caring.
The Buddha also taught that parents do a great deal for their children: they bring them up, feed them and introduce them to the world. He said a child can hardly ever repay them fully. Many Buddhists therefore treat respect and gratitude towards parents as a basic duty.
Key terms:
- Vihara (recap from Why People Follow the Buddha's Path, or Do Not): a Buddhist temple or monastery. It is a centre for the local Buddhist community. Its design is studied in a later lesson.
- Dana (recap from The Three Poisons: Greed, Hatred and Ignorance in Buddhism): giving. Offering food, money, time or help to others, or to the Sangha, without expecting anything back.
- Dhamma class: a lesson in which children and adults learn the Buddha's teaching.
Duties between the generations: the Sigalovada Sutta
The Sigalovada Sutta is a talk given by the Buddha to a young man called Sigala. Sigala bowed to the six directions each morning. The Buddha said that the real "directions" are the people in our lives, and that we protect them by doing our duties to them. The first direction, the east, stands for parents. The Sutta also covers teachers, friends, workers and religious teachers. (Husband and wife duties were covered in the lesson on marriage.)
🧑 Children's duties to their parents
Children should support their parents, who once supported them, and carry out their duties for them. They should keep the family going in a good way, be worthy of their inheritance, and make offerings in memory of parents who have died.
The duties go both ways. Each generation owes something to the other, and caring is not a one-way street. This fits the Buddhist idea that no one lives alone and that what we do affects others. It also matches the teaching you studied in The Five Precepts, the Value of Life and Abortion in Buddhism: harm to others should be avoided.
Bringing up children and their rights
Buddhists do not have a list of "children's rights" like a law, but Buddhist teaching points the same way. Children should be protected from harm, given what they need to live, and taught the difference between right and wrong. Compassion (karuna) means that cruelty to a child, in any form, goes against the first precept, to avoid harming living beings. Parents are asked to teach by example as well as by words, so that children learn to be honest, generous and calm. Education matters too: the Sigalovada Sutta says parents should train children in a skill or profession.
Changing families, compassion and non-harm
Families today are of many kinds, including nuclear, extended, single-parent and reconstituted families. Buddhism teaches anicca (impermanence): everything changes, and families change too. No rule lays down one "Buddhist family shape". Buddhists tend to ask what is kind and what avoids harm. A loving single parent or step-parent who looks after children well is doing what the Sigalovada Sutta asks. Many Buddhists would say that what matters most is care, honesty and respect, not the shape of the household. Some more traditional Buddhists still prefer the extended family, with grandparents living close by. Others accept that modern life has many family shapes. When family life breaks down, the suffering falls on the individuals, on the community and on society, so Buddhists would say people who are struggling should be helped rather than judged.
How the vihara helps families
The Buddhist community helps families through the vihara. What happens varies between countries and traditions, but many viharas offer these things:
📚 Teaching
Dhamma classes for children and adults teach the Buddha's teaching and good values, so parents are helped to bring up children in the faith.
🎉 Festivals and family days
Festivals such as Vesak, which remembers the Buddha, bring whole families together to celebrate and share food. Family days let different generations meet.
🙌 Advice and support
Monks and nuns listen and give advice to parents, couples and young people having a hard time, which can help keep families together.
Families can also meditate together or learn meditation at the vihara, which can help them stay calm and patient with one another. The vihara also gives families a chance to practise dana: they bring food or gifts for the monks and nuns and help the community. Giving together teaches children generosity. It also builds friendships with other families, who can support one another in hard times.
Family life or monastic life?
Buddhists can choose between family life and life as a monk or nun in the Sangha. Siddhartha Gautama, who became the Buddha, left his own family to search for enlightenment, and monks and nuns today give up family life to put all their effort into the path. Others stay as lay people, bringing up children and supporting the Sangha with dana. Both are ways of following the path, and many Buddhists believe lay people can also make great progress. Buddhist monastic rules say that a child should not become a monk or nun without the permission of their parents. This shows how seriously the duties between parents and children are taken.
Common mistakes
Saying Buddhists have a law about family shape: they judge families by care and avoiding harm. Forgetting that duties go both ways between parents and children. Listing vihara activities without saying how they help families. Saying every Buddhist becomes a monk or nun: most are lay people.
Exam-style question
(a) Identify three ways in which a vihara might help families. [3 marks]
(b) Choose one religion. Outline two duties parents have towards their children in this religion. [4 marks]
(c) Choose one religion. Explain why family life is important in this religion. [6 marks]
(d) "A family with two parents is the only good place to bring up children."
Evaluate this statement, showing you have considered different points of view. In your answer you should refer to at least one religion. [12 marks]
Model answer
(a) 1. Dhamma classes for children (1). 2. Family festivals and family days (1). 3. Advice from monks and nuns (1).
(b) Buddhist parents should encourage their children to do good and stop them doing wrong (1), because the Sigalovada Sutta says this is part of their duty (1). They should give their children an education or a skill (1), so that the children can earn a living and look after themselves (1).
(c) Buddhists believe family life is important because it is where people first learn Buddhist values such as kindness and not harming others (1). Most Buddhists are lay people, so bringing up a family is their main way of putting the Buddha's teaching into practice (1). The Sigalovada Sutta describes duties both ways: parents care for and train their children, and children support their parents and keep the family going well (1). This shows that people depend on one another (1). The Buddha taught that children can never fully repay their parents, so many Buddhists feel deep gratitude to them (1). The vihara also supports families with Dhamma classes, festivals and advice from monks and nuns, so family life is helped by the whole community (1).
(d) Plan. For: two parents can share the work, income and emotional support; children may benefit from the extra time and stability; some traditions favour the extended family with several adults at home. Against: the Sigalovada Sutta and Buddhist ethics stress care, not family shape, so a loving single parent or step-parent can meet the duties; a home with cruelty or constant arguments harms children more than a loving one-parent home; humanists also judge a family by love, care and commitment. Conclusion: the word "only" makes the statement too strong. Buddhist teaching and the other views agree that what matters most is care and avoiding harm, so two parents can help but are not the only good setting.
Exam tip
In part (c), do not just say that "families are important". Tie each reason to a Buddhist idea, such as the Sigalovada Sutta, non-harm or the vihara, and explain what it means for how Buddhists live.