Christian Beliefs about Life and Death » Christian Marriage: Vows, Monogamy and Purposes

What Christians teach about marriage

The lesson Marriage, Civil Partnership and Cohabitation explained what marriage is, its legal side and what non-religious people think. The lesson Love, Sex and Relationships in Christianity covered agape and sex outside marriage. This lesson looks at what Christians believe marriage is for, and at the promises couples make.

Key terms:

• Vows: the serious, spoken promises that a couple make to each other when they marry.
• Monogamy: being married to one person at a time and staying faithful to them.
• Covenant: a binding promise made before God, which Christians say is deeper than an ordinary agreement.
• Sacrament: an outward sign of God's grace (his free gift of help and love). Catholic and Orthodox Christians count marriage as one.

Christians believe that God created marriage. They point to Genesis 2:18 and 2:24 (the "one flesh" verse from Love, Sex and Relationships in Christianity), where God sees that it is not good for people to be alone and a man and woman become one. Jesus used the same words. In Mark 10:6-9 he says that from the beginning God made people male and female, that the two become one flesh, and that what God has joined together nobody should separate. So Christians see marriage as a lifelong union that God joins together, not just a contract between two people.

The purposes of marriage

Most Christians give four main purposes.

Catholic and Orthodox Christians go further and teach that marriage is a sacrament. They believe God gives the couple grace and help through the marriage. Most Protestant Churches count only baptism and Holy Communion as sacraments. They still teach that marriage is holy and a gift from God, but not that it is a sacrament.

The marriage vows and monogamy

In a Christian wedding the couple make vows in front of God and the congregation. The words differ between Churches, but many wedding vows promise to love and cherish the other person, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death parts them. These promises show what marriage means to Christians:

• Lifelong. The promise is "until death", not "for as long as we feel happy".
• Faithful. Each partner gives up all others. Breaking this promise is adultery, which the Ten Commandments forbid (Exodus 20:14).
• Unconditional. The couple promise to stay when life is hard, such as through illness or money worries.
• A covenant. The promise is made before God, which Christians say makes it more serious than any other agreement.

Christians teach monogamy. Some people in the Old Testament had more than one wife, but Christians follow Jesus' words in Mark 10:6-9, where "the two" become one flesh. A marriage joins exactly two people, and each gives themselves completely to the other. In the UK, being married to two people at once is also against the law.

Roles and status of partners

Christians agree that husband and wife have equal worth, because both are made in the image of God, as you saw in Creation, Stewardship and Imago Dei. They differ on roles.

• Traditional view. Some Christians read Ephesians 5:22-25 as teaching that the husband is the head of the family, who must love his wife as Christ loved the Church, and that the wife should support him. Many from this view say the roles are different but equally important, with the husband as the main provider and the wife caring for the home.
• Equal partners. Many other Christians point to Ephesians 5:21, which tells everyone to "submit to one another", and to Galatians 3:28, which says that in Christ there is no male or female difference in worth. They teach that husband and wife share decisions, work and childcare equally.

Cohabitation and same-sex marriage

Cohabitation means living together as a couple without being married. Christians hold different views.

• Against. The Catholic Church and many other Christians say couples should marry before living together, because a couple who live together without vows have not made a lifelong promise before God. They think this weakens the idea of commitment.
• More accepting. Some Christians say a loving, faithful couple who live together are showing real commitment, even without a wedding. The Church of England teaches that marriage is the best setting for a relationship, but its clergy welcome cohabiting couples who ask to marry in church.

Same-sex marriage is marriage between two people of the same sex. The Catholic and Orthodox Churches teach that marriage can only be between a man and a woman, so they do not accept it. They say gay people must be treated with respect. Church of England clergy may not marry same-sex couples in church, though since 2023 the Church has allowed prayers of blessing for same-sex couples after a civil marriage. Other Churches, such as the Methodist Church in Britain and the United Reformed Church, do hold same-sex marriages. They say that God's love is for everyone, and that commitment and faithfulness are what make a marriage. Church positions can change, so always say "the Church of England teaches..." rather than "all Christians say...".

Why marriage matters in the Church and in society

• In the Christian community. The congregation witnesses the vows and promises to support the couple. Churches often run marriage preparation and offer prayer and advice later. Marriage also builds up the Christian family, where children learn the faith.
• In society. Christians say stable marriages give children security, make families strong and help communities care for each other.

Exam-style question

(a) Identify three purposes of marriage for Christians. [3 marks, AO1]

(b) Choose one religion. Outline two teachings about marriage in this religion. [4 marks, AO1]

(c) Explain why there are different Christian attitudes to same-sex marriage. [6 marks, AO1 and AO2]

(d) "Christian couples should marry before they live together." Evaluate this statement, showing you have considered different points of view. In your answer you should refer to at least one religion. [12 marks, AO1 and AO2]

Recap

• Christians believe God created marriage as a lifelong union (Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:6-9).
• Purposes: lifelong union, love and support, children and a sign of God's love.
• The vows are serious promises to love, stay faithful and stay together until death.
• Monogamy means one partner at a time. Marriage is a sacrament for Catholic and Orthodox Christians.
• Christians differ on roles, cohabitation and same-sex marriage.