Muslim Beliefs about Life and Death » Love, Sex and Relationships in Islam

Sexuality as a gift from Allah

Human Sexuality and Changing Relationships explained what human sexuality is and the main purposes people give for sex. This lesson gives the Muslim teachings. Muslims believe that Allah created humans as male and female, so sexuality is part of his creation and is a gift, not something shameful. Like every gift, it comes with rules about how to use it well.

Most Muslims give two main purposes for sexual relationships:

Key terms:

• Zina: sexual intercourse between two people who are not married to each other. Islam teaches that it is a serious sin.
• Haya (modesty): a sense of shyness and self-respect that shows in how a person speaks, behaves and dresses. A well-known hadith (a report of what Muhammad said and did) says that modesty is part of faith.
• Lowering the gaze: not staring at other people in a way that would stir up desire. Qur'an 24:30-31 tells both believing men and believing women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty.

Love in Islamic teaching

Muslims believe that love between a man and a woman is part of Allah's plan. Qur'an 30:21 says that among Allah's signs is that he made partners for people so that they could find peace in them, and that he placed love and mercy between them. The two Arabic words are mawaddah (warm love and affection) and rahmah (mercy and kindness).

This tells Muslims what a relationship should be like:

• Peace and comfort: a partner is someone you can rely on.
• Mercy: partners forgive each other and are patient, even when love feels less exciting.
• Respect and good character: as Iman, Ibadah and Akhlaq: The Purpose of a Muslim Life showed, akhlaq (good character) is part of being a Muslim, so kindness and honesty matter in relationships.

Love is not just a feeling. Muslims see it as something to show through care, loyalty and good behaviour.

Sexual relationships: nature and importance

Islam does not say sex is dirty or that it should be avoided. It says it is natural, important and good, but that its proper place is within marriage. Marriage is a public and legal promise, so it gives the security, commitment and responsibility that Muslims think sex needs. (The marriage contract itself is explained in Muslim Marriage: Nikah, Mahr and Choosing a Partner.)

Because sexual feelings are strong, Islam teaches ways to protect people and relationships:

• Modesty for everyone: both men and women are told to behave and dress with modesty. Muslims differ about what exactly this means in practice, for example about clothing.
• Lowering the gaze: this helps a person keep control of their thoughts and respect others as people, not objects.
• Marriage as protection: a well-known hadith advises young men who are able to marry to do so, because it helps them lower their gaze and guard their chastity.

Sex outside marriage

Qur'an 17:32 tells believers not to go near zina, calling it an indecent act and an evil way. Sunni and Shi'a scholars agree that zina is a serious sin. Muslims give reasons for this:

• It breaks Allah's commands about how his gift should be used.
• It can hurt people: broken trust, children born without the security of marriage, and damage to families.
• Marriage protects the family, which Muslims see as the base of a healthy community.

Muslims also teach that a person who sins can repent and turn back to Allah, who is forgiving and merciful. Many Muslims say it is wrong to judge or expose other people, because only Allah knows what is in a person's heart. This means attitudes in practice can be gentler than the rules sound.

Attitudes do differ. Some Muslims, especially in more traditional communities, are very strict. Others, including many young Muslims in countries such as the United Kingdom, still believe the teaching but stress compassion and repentance, or find the rules hard to keep.

Homosexuality: different views

Most traditional Muslim scholars teach that sexual relationships are only for a married man and woman, so same-sex sexual acts are forbidden. They often point to the story of the people of Lut in the Qur'an (for example Qur'an 7:80-81) and to the traditional view that Allah made humans in pairs of male and female. Many also say that having same-sex attraction is not itself a sin; the sin is in acting on it. They teach that gay people should be treated with respect and not be bullied.

Some Muslims today disagree. They call for acceptance and say that the Qur'an's main messages are justice and mercy, and that the story of Lut is about violence and abuse, not loving relationships. This is a minority view among scholars, but it is one of the different Muslim attitudes the specification asks you to know.

Atheist and Humanist attitudes, and Muslim responses

As Human Sexuality and Changing Relationships showed, atheists and Humanists do not believe in a God who sets rules. They usually judge a sexual relationship by whether it is consensual (freely agreed), respectful and responsible, and whether it harms anyone, not by whether the people are married.

Exam-style question

Paper 1 style. Choose one religion and answer for Islam.

(a) Identify three purposes of sexual relationships. [3 marks, AO1]

(b) Choose one religion. Outline two teachings about sexual relationships in this religion. [4 marks, AO1]

(c) Choose one religion. Explain why there are different attitudes to homosexuality in this religion. [6 marks, AO1, AO2]

(d) "Sex should only take place within marriage." Evaluate this statement, showing you have considered different points of view. In your answer you should refer to at least one religion. [12 marks, AO1, AO2]